A New -Much Wilder- Chapter

Interestingly enough I just remembered that I didn't post yesterday and I felt bad about it on behalf of my viewership so here it goes. I woke up yesterday several times and then I fell asleep again until around 10:45 which is when I sprang out of bed because I thought I missed breakfast with my parents which woulda been bad cause they were leaving. Then I realized the reason I woke up in the first place is that my mother was knocking on the door, so I threw on some shoes and left the room. We drove around downtown Tally a little bit until we found a quaint little coffee shop to eat breakfast at. However, before we could get to the restaurant, an African-American homeless man named Eric (Arik?) stopped my parents and I so he could give me his two cents on college. They can be summarized thusly.

• I been here forty years
• I'm homeless
• I'm an orphan
• Think of yo parents
• Look at me son
• They worked so hard
• This is real important
• Son
• SON
• I seen girls fallin' down drunk with they legs open
• They be pregnant
• SON
• Look at me
• You look like a smart kid
• "He is" - My mom
• Son
• Don't give money to the other homeless guys cause they just spend it on booze
• Son
• Remember your parents

Needless to say my mother encouraged me to follow the advice of Eric and we were on our way. I got a BLT which was delicious cause tomato is the most underrated condiment of all time. The real treat of the morning was the sick as heck scooter that my parents bought me at my own bequest. This went nicely with the nerf basketball hoop that was also purchased for me. Once the hoop was installed, and I said goodbye to my parents until October, I took a little trip to the Leach center, which is the on campus gym. Neil, my roommate, had informed me that it was "sick" so to speak, so I did an independent investigation. I lifted weights and ran on the treadmill and drank water and led a healthy life for a whole 30 minutes! I checked out the basketball courts upstairs which were all in full use by 5-on-5 games. What happened next was a Toy Story like situation which is where whenever the game shifted to the opposite end of the court, several of us would scamper on to the free end to shoot around, but when the game shifted back we ran off. My mom texted me during this process and made me Snapchat pictures of what I was doing. I'm trying to ween her off of the constant communication she expects to have with me. I left the gym, took a shower, and accidentally fell asleep for about an hour. There was a concert in the courtyard so I walked over to Maddie's dorm and walked with her and her roommate over to the music. Earl Sweatshirt was unknown to me before the concert, and apparently Maddie too cause she hates rap music so she was just miserable the whole time. I ditched her to go get free food with Valentina and Angele at some "Taste of Tallahassee" event where there was a literal Smorgasbord of food from some tasty ass restaurants. Then we all went to my dorm to watch Pulp Fiction which also gave me the chance to send my roommate pictures of me with a couple of ladies on my bed, so he probably thinks I'm a slut. To be fair, I am. After Pulp Fiction, we went to see a midnight showing of the Princess Diaries with Olivia Friedly. To clarify, Olivia is a girl from Winter Park, not an actress in the Princess Diaries. I got home at 2 AM to find my roommate passed out after a night of heavy drinking. College life is indeed charming.