A New -Much Wilder- Chapter

Interestingly enough I just remembered that I didn't post yesterday and I felt bad about it on behalf of my viewership so here it goes. I woke up yesterday several times and then I fell asleep again until around 10:45 which is when I sprang out of bed because I thought I missed breakfast with my parents which woulda been bad cause they were leaving. Then I realized the reason I woke up in the first place is that my mother was knocking on the door, so I threw on some shoes and left the room. We drove around downtown Tally a little bit until we found a quaint little coffee shop to eat breakfast at. However, before we could get to the restaurant, an African-American homeless man named Eric (Arik?) stopped my parents and I so he could give me his two cents on college. They can be summarized thusly.

• I been here forty years
• I'm homeless
• I'm an orphan
• Think of yo parents
• Look at me son
• They worked so hard
• This is real important
• Son
• SON
• I seen girls fallin' down drunk with they legs open
• They be pregnant
• SON
• Look at me
• You look like a smart kid
• "He is" - My mom
• Son
• Don't give money to the other homeless guys cause they just spend it on booze
• Son
• Remember your parents

Needless to say my mother encouraged me to follow the advice of Eric and we were on our way. I got a BLT which was delicious cause tomato is the most underrated condiment of all time. The real treat of the morning was the sick as heck scooter that my parents bought me at my own bequest. This went nicely with the nerf basketball hoop that was also purchased for me. Once the hoop was installed, and I said goodbye to my parents until October, I took a little trip to the Leach center, which is the on campus gym. Neil, my roommate, had informed me that it was "sick" so to speak, so I did an independent investigation. I lifted weights and ran on the treadmill and drank water and led a healthy life for a whole 30 minutes! I checked out the basketball courts upstairs which were all in full use by 5-on-5 games. What happened next was a Toy Story like situation which is where whenever the game shifted to the opposite end of the court, several of us would scamper on to the free end to shoot around, but when the game shifted back we ran off. My mom texted me during this process and made me Snapchat pictures of what I was doing. I'm trying to ween her off of the constant communication she expects to have with me. I left the gym, took a shower, and accidentally fell asleep for about an hour. There was a concert in the courtyard so I walked over to Maddie's dorm and walked with her and her roommate over to the music. Earl Sweatshirt was unknown to me before the concert, and apparently Maddie too cause she hates rap music so she was just miserable the whole time. I ditched her to go get free food with Valentina and Angele at some "Taste of Tallahassee" event where there was a literal Smorgasbord of food from some tasty ass restaurants. Then we all went to my dorm to watch Pulp Fiction which also gave me the chance to send my roommate pictures of me with a couple of ladies on my bed, so he probably thinks I'm a slut. To be fair, I am. After Pulp Fiction, we went to see a midnight showing of the Princess Diaries with Olivia Friedly. To clarify, Olivia is a girl from Winter Park, not an actress in the Princess Diaries. I got home at 2 AM to find my roommate passed out after a night of heavy drinking. College life is indeed charming.
 

Back in Black (Garnet && Gold)

Ok listen up folks, the blog is revived and here's why. While I was at Winter Park high, too many people knew of the existence of this blog so I couldn't post the usual salty content. BUT FOLKS!!!! We've hit a reset button here at THE Florida State University. So where to begin...

I got my sleepy ass out of bed at about 7:45 to get in the car and get on my way. The characters along for the ride include me, my mother, and my father. Also, about 75 tons of my crap. Our first stop was to my grandma's house in Maitland. My mom had been dog-sitting one of her "clients" but since she was going out of town she had to give the key to my grandma which initiated another long sequence of hugs and goodbyes. We were about to leave but my dad realized he forgot the SunPass so we drove fifteen minutes back home to get it and thusly, we were on our way. The sounds of the road trip included a medley of NPR, classic rock, and my mom telling us she had to eat/pee/etc. I fell asleep a couple times which is how I survived. We got to FSU a little past noon and started hauling things up to the room. My mom put on my huge mattress topper but we had to let it aerate first so we went to get some lunch at "the Den." Mom was quickly turning into a hungry bear as the service was inexplicably too slow for her. Finally the food was delivered and my dad looked at his insignificant wrap and exclaimed, "glad we waited so long for this." The epitome of a dissatisfied old Jewish couple. We went back to my room and finished setting up as my parents became acquainted with my roommate, Neil. Neil seems like a really chill guy, and his major, Biology, is considerably more challenging than my majors, Communication and English. My side of the room has no posters or anything and his just has one thing: an American flag. I'm just glad it isn't a confederate flag cause going to FSU ya never know what you're gonna get. Mom was absolutely OBSESSED with my bed spread. She had the mattress topper, a sheet to go over that, a sheet to go over that, a duvet, and then- get this- a Pendleton blanket in garnet, gold and navy. Then there was the body pillow, the two custom ordered pillows, the monogrammed pillowcase, and the embroidered pillow case. For those of you playing along at home that makes FIVE PILLOWS FOR ONE BOY. I shepherded my parents out and lay down for a nap. I walked around and took in the sights. Before I knew it it was time to go out to dinner with the folks. I had invited Caroline cause she was a family friend in addition to being my friend. Luckily she had a meeting and couldn't wake it so I got to go alone. I don't remember the last time I went out with just my parents but we had all gotten our fill of each other during the car ride and room assembly so dinner was kinda tense at first but it got better as time went on cause mom and dad started talking about how I've actually matured in the last four years. We all went back to my room again so we could bring up the stuff we had forgotten earlier which included food and water, ya know, the essentials. Mom had decided that my feet were the worst things she's ever smelled so she bought me Febreeze and some deodorizing thingies for my closet. I used the restroom and my mom suggested I test out that Febreeze so yeah, it was time for them to leave, especially cause I'll see them in literally a month for Joseph's Bar Mitzvah.

Once the parental retired to their hotel for the night I tested out the shower and went to hang out with my friend Jensen who I worked with at the JCC a couple years ago. Jensen is so incredibly cool, and her roommate was chill, but some weird ginger girl was there who introduced herself as, "your worst nightmare." "Oh, I don't like you," I said poignantly. Then ginger called her "almost boyfriend," Mitch, to come hang out. Mitch was arguably weirder than ginger girl cause Mitch was trying to court this b but doing a bad job cause everyone was trying to chill but he was making weird banshee noises and she was also being loud and it was just too much and reminded me too much of that one weird house party and working with kids. They busted out a pack of Uno cards and I intentionally messed up the game cause I'm kinda an asshole and was kinda annoyed by Mitch trying to be an alpha male when we was literally shorter than me and aggressively unintelligent. I did some more walking and came home to get my ass beat in 2k. I literally have no plans for the rest of the weekend so it may or may not be "lit." Until tomorrow <3